Why Moving Out isn’t the Next Chapter

Section III: Post-Collegiate Life | Your next chapter isn’t based on location

As a Filipino-American immigrant, I grew up in a very strict household. My friends consisted of my little brother and my cousins down the street. And my version of “going out” was playing video games with my cousin while our mom’s would chismis* in the kitchen. That said, the times that I did go out were pretty much school-related. And the non-relative friends that I did make were the ones I made during classroom projects or on bus rides home (hi, Meghan).

I didn’t really start spending time outside of school with friends (who were not also my relatives) until I was entering high school. And even then, I would feel really (REALLY) guilty about wanting to hang out with them. The implication in my household was that school time was for friends and non-school time was for staying at home. And staying home had only three (3) options: studying, washing dishes, or spending time with family.

If ever I did ask to hang out with my friends, my parents usually responded with guilt-inducing questions. I’d get the routine, “Ah, why are you asking to spend time with friends when you should be studying/washing the dishes/spending time with your brother?” You get the gist. I felt really guilty whenever I wanted to get out of the house. So, I rarely did. Now, to those outside of a Filipino-American upbringing, this wasn’t to say that my parents were bad parents or that they were indescribably strict. I actually consider myself very lucky to have grown up in a tight-knit household with two loving parents. And this household I grew up in is really just “strict” based on American (U.S.A) standards. To Filipino standards, my parents were just raising us the way they were raised in the Philippines. So, this “strict” household was actually normal to them (and confusing to a kid split by two cultures — but that’s another article for another day).

All this to say, I spent the vast majority of my life at home (effectively practicing for the 2020 COVID quarantine future). The result of this growing-up-in-a-”strict”-household was an 18-year-old who was VERY excited to get out of her home and attend college. This also bled into that 18-year-old’s future 23-year-old self who had absolutely zero doubts that she would move out of Florida and to a different state post-graduation.

Fast forward to today, I’m based in Washington. Yes. Washington state, the complete diagonal opposite of Florida and — as my mom likes to call it — the layover for when my mom and dad decide to visit the Philippines.

Looking at where I am now, it’s interesting how much a new location can set the tone for the chapter I’m in. Nowadays, I often get a lot of friends asking me what it’s like to move across the country and to “leave everything behind”. Even more so, I also get statements about how they wish they could “get out of Florida too” or how they “want to adult like [I am]”. I guess they’re not wrong; I did leave a lot behind and I did get out of Florida (that was the point), and I did become an adult (I think).

However, I want to clear up a misconception here. Even though I did move to a new location, this doesn’t mean moving to Washington suddenly started this new chapter of adulthood. Moving post-grad didn’t suddenly make me an adult. Because while the location does play a role in the chapter, the location is not the actual chapter.

Global pandemic aside, it’s been incredible moving to a new state. I [-thanks to my “strict” household-] love the promise of adventure in new places and the process of “fresh starts”. And so being here in Washington, I feel like I’m starting a new chapter and embarking on a new journey and living my best new life.

The truth though, the truth is that I would’ve had the new chapter whether or not I moved to a new place. Actually, had timing been just a little more perfect, I probably would’ve never moved to Washington. I would’ve stayed in Florida because of COVID. And it’s exactly this fact that makes me wonder every day: if I had stayed in Florida, would people still be commenting on “my new chapter”? Honestly, I don’t think so.

Hindsight is 20/20. And without future hindsight, adulthood has this preconceived notion that it only begins with a fresh start and that this fresh start only begins once you’ve moved to a new location.

I don’t agree.

There’s definitely something to say for the struggles of starting a new life outside of your original home (#immigrant). And it’s true that certain locations and circumstances may bring adulthood out in different ways and different speeds. But at the end of the day, the truth is that your adulthood is not based on a location. Adulthood begins independent of where you are.

Real talk, I think I am just as much an adult as I would’ve been had I stayed in Florida. And I hope my friends know that they are also just as much an adult as they would’ve been had they not stayed in Florida. The “new chapter” of adulthood isn’t location-based. Because the fact of the matter is that changing locations doesn’t trigger your adulthood. And staying home doesn’t limit the beginnings of your adulthood either. You just kind of become an adult irrespective of your location; you wake up one day and realize you’ve subscribed to adulthood.

Today, as I write this far away from home, I realize that while my strict household prepared me for COVID quarantining, it didn’t prepare me for missing my family. This is the longest I’ve been separated from my family and also the farthest. It hasn’t been easy. I miss them immensely.

I guess that’s [one of] the scary things about adulthood: if adulthood is independent of where you are, how do you know when it hits? How will you know where and when to prepare yourself? You don’t. For some it hits when you’re walking at graduation, others when you’ve received your first paycheck, or for a few it really hits when your friends start popping out babies. For me? It hit when I realized I missed my family. Today, I know for a fact that I wouldn’t need guilt-inducing questions from my parents; I would just stay home (because COVID, because I should study, because I should wash the dishes, and because I really do miss spending time with my family).

*chismis — gossip in Tagalog

“Can I Return my Subscription?” is a personal column dedicated to the Terms and Conditions of adulthood’s non-refundable subscription. This column covers the experiences leading up to college, college, and the infamous chapters of post-collegiate life.