An open letter to dating
To the guy who said he wasn’t ready,
I wasn’t ready either actually.
I didn’t even quite know what I was looking for,
Going into dating apps, putting my self, my time, my heart out into the world,
You asked me what I was looking for, and I said “I don’t know”.
I did know I wanted to look for you though.
I knew I wanted to know you.
Though maybe wanting and needing are two very different things,
But, isn’t love not supposed to be a need?
And instead a want, a curiosity
That is the answer to life, no?
Curiosity.
I remember us on that first date and I was so curious if there was something there
But also … maybe there wasn’t.
I remember us after that first date and I was curious why I could not stop thinking about you.
But also … I can’t stop thinking about a lot of things.
I remember realizing after that first date, that I didn’t know I had it in me to ask for a second.
And maybe — maybe that is actually the answer.
The answer to dating—to life — is realizing yourself into existence,
Discovering the pieces of you you didn’t know you had,
Pieces you didn’t know you needed, pieces you didn’t know you could manifest.
You see, dating.. is a pain in the ass.
But maybe it’s worth it to pursue the curiosity of my capabilities,
To pursue the true partner that I can find in myself,
To fall in love not with you, but with the woman I see when I look in the mirror,
The woman brushing her hair to prepare to impress you.
Dating is stressful.
But
It’s nothing compared to the stress of not knowing whether I am capable,
And I am capable.
I am capable of loving and giving and creating a space of patience, kindness, and warmth.
I realized
Maybe I am not ready for the guy who wasn’t ready.
But dating, you taught me that I am ready for the woman who’s been here all along.
